AUGUST CONFESSIONS

the confessions are officially back... and you all did not disappoint. ☕️👀

this is our first confessions episode since returning, and the sippers came ready to spill. from relationship drama and embarrassing moments to secrets you've never told anyone, we're reading your anonymous submissions, reacting in real time, and giving our completely unfiltered thoughts.

we've missed these episodes more than we can say, and we're so excited to have confessions back where they belong. grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let's spill.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Pinky's up. What time is it? It's time to spill. Okay, sippers, grab your teacups because it's time to spill. I'm Mallory. And I'm Kristen. And we are back with everyone's favorite episode. Finally, confessions of the month. So excited for these. And we got a lot of them. So can't wait to see what juicy tea. This is the first time we've had to like break it up. Yeah, like we have to, or we would be, it would be like a three-hour episode. Yeah, no, literally. So I'm excited. Thank goodness for the Patreon. So if you want to hear the other half of the confessions, here's your little plug to come support us on the Patreon. It's five bucks a month. You get an extra episode. So this month you're getting an extra confessions episode. See you over there. It's like not feasible for us to do three hours of 48 confessions in one. Yeah, no. Yes, that's crazy. We would not be allowed to yap in between. Which is boring. Thank you so much for submitting. Like, this is the most submissions we've ever had. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, honestly, it's probably on us because we never gave him enough time before. Like this, we've had weeks that we've been asking before we're like we're recording an hour. Hurry, confess. Yes. No, literally, that's so true. Forgot about that. I know. I'm excited to see what you guys came up with. Yes. And especially because it's been months since we've been able to hear all your confessions. So you've had six months. I cannot wait to hear what these girlies have been up to. Well me either. Let's start with what we're sipping. What we're sipping is anything we've been loving lately. Okay. I, for one, have been sipping hard Love Island. You guys. Me too. What episode are you on now? Well, I thought I was caught up because I caught up to the point where you guys were at when we were talking about it. Oh my god. I'm like, woo, I'm on episode 41. Let's go. And then I looked at like the series details. Yeah. 65. Yes. 65. I am like, I am just as far behind as I was before. So does a new episode drop every day? Yes. Except for like Wednesdays or something. Yeah. So yeah, I'm so freaking far behind. But I will catch up quick. I've been like on a love island roll. So what point what where are you at? Episode 47. Okay, so you're a little bit ahead of me. So I they just got out of causa. They just did the recoupling. And so now, oh, they just had their movie night. Oh, wasn't that wild? Yes. I am like, oh my gosh. I actually feel the most bad for Priya. Yeah. With Mika. Like that's she's like, you are literally one of my closest friends. Yep. And she knew. Yes, that one like hurt to watch. Yes. Yes. So she because Mika is so freaking sweet and you love her all the time, but you're like, yeah, that was that was shady. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So bad. But I am just loving it all. And then Jasmine and Cav can just stop, please. They're so bad. Like the second you get out of the villa, you guys are not gonna work out. No. Are you kidding me? You're yes. If you watch you've never watched UK before, have you? Yes, some of them end up with married with kids 13 years later. After they continue to go watch season one. Okay. It's so different. It's so provocative. Yeah. But they're literally some of them are married with kids to this day. That's crazy. I love that film. So yes, it can work, but Kevin Jasmine, I ain't seeing it. No, he's 23 or 27. 21. 21. Yeah, and she's 27. Yeah, she's older, and she is just a feisty little if you're fighting while you're in paradise. Yeah. Bruh. What is gonna happen when you're in reality? And I I just cannot with him being 21 years old. Like no, except for he is more richer than Aiden sometimes, I think. He is, yeah. Aiden's so dumb.

unknown 3:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:58

Yeah. I do love them. I love the brothers, but he didn't, he just yeah. You can tell him his head by sometimes. I'm just saying Aiden. Aiden shut up. Literally, he's the type of guy that you just say Aiden, shut up. Like literally. And he's 20. He's 23, right? Oh, is he only 23? I think he's only two years older than Cav. Oh wow. Yeah, these guys are so young. That's crazy. Wild. I still feel like I'm 21. Oh, freaking Simba. Oh yeah. Simba. Simba can kick rocks. Like, he could have kicked rocks the first night he got on. Why is he still on my screen? Please tell me he gets off sometime soon. I am so sick of hearing him saying that he's still kicking it in episode 47. He always says, freaking hell, man. And he's like, oh, I'm just- I just want to make better decisions. I'm like, you are a grown man. I feel like Angelista just really deserved better than that. But she's the one that's allowing it. Let's be honest. Truly. She You have just let him. Oh my gosh, how many times has he like lied, been caught, and you're just like Do you think she's just scared to get kicked off? Like she's just playing it for the game? Yeah. No, I think she's just dumb. I think she really likes him, and so she's just like, sure, whatever. Yeah. Treat me like garbage. I don't know. Two new bombshells just came in. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm freaking 20 episodes behind. I'm sure there's so much more drama too. Yes. Anyway, love island. That's what I've been sipping. Oh my gosh. I'm always sipping that. Okay, I am sipping my fruit and vegetable candles that I'm making for the maker's market. They're literally so good. So excited. They I got the inspo from Ballerina Farms, which when I was at Ballerina Farms just a few weeks ago, she sells them for so much money that I am like, I'm not buying the corn on the cob for $22 or however much it was. It was, I don't think it was that much, but still, like it's kind of wild. Yeah. Goes and spends over a hundred dollars on all the supplies to make. I'm like, oh my gosh. But now I can make them for Miranda's bridal shower in September. That's like fresh off the market vibe. So but they've been so fun to make, just super time consuming because they have to set the strawberries dry the fastest, but the asparagus and the corn just really they literally look so realistic. You're slaying it. You're so nice. I need to get my hands on them. Tell them what yours is. Okay, so we're doing like one of those little maker markets. Maker's markets, craft farmers market craft thingies, you know, that you see on TikTok. We got invited to one. And so mine, I did these safety pins, big essentially, like big safety pins that have three little hoops on it. And so I've been putting different charms on them. I've been having so much fun making them. I bought a 50 pack and I've already made 42 of them. Oh my gosh, dude. I just like whipped them out. I already had all the charms and everything. So are you gonna bring all of them? Yes. Okay. Because they're all so different. I'm like, I don't know what people are gonna want. They need to choose. So you gotta have a good variety. I'm gonna probably just like let everyone take two of them or something. Literally dibs. The freaking horseshoe and the oh, the good luck one. The good luck one, yeah. Okay, I made a bunch of well, not that particular one, but like a bunch with the big clover, so you can like kind of see what you like. And isn't there one that has a ladybug on it? Yes, a lot of them have the ladybugs. That's like my favorite one. I need it. Okay, no, they're so cute. And then I made a couple to like pin on Rome's backpack. They're like those big, sturdy, sturdy safety pins. Yes. Anyway, so it's been so fun to make. And I can't wait to see what everybody else is bringing. I know I'm dying. I only know like a couple, obviously, because Maddie told us and then Brooke told us, and then Liv told us what she's making. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We need to do a haul on the Patreon with whatever we end up getting. Well, we're all getting one of everything. So we'll show it off. I just need to crank the rest of mine out. I'm a little stressed. You have a few more days. Get porn candles tonight. They can set while you're sleeping. It's true. It's very true. Okay, what are what is your your confession? I have no idea what's coming. Oh no. Okay, so you guys, I'm like literally cringing listening to last week's episode. I'm like, there's a hope, all is well. Oh my gosh. I actually think I'm being ghosted at the moment, and we are not happy about it. And I'm also full blown what the actual hell. Yeah. Like, you cannot ghost somebody at this point. Let's just say you cannot ghost somebody past a first date. No. Second, third, no. Oh my gosh. Anyway, I'm about to lose my mind, but it's whatever. We're fine. So we're fine. I this is my convention that you don't know about. So I get on the apps because I'm like, whatever. I just got ghosted and we gotta start from square and mother freaking won again. Oh no. So I get on, I really only use Facebook dating. Yeah. And I love it because you can see there's no paywalls. Like everything that you have access to everything. So I went on and just looked at all the people that liked me. Yeah. And I literally there were so many because I haven't been on it for a month. Yeah. There were so many, and I literally matched with I like accepted to match with two of them. Yeah.

unknown 9:19

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 9:21

That's how bleak it is. Yeah. But one of the people that liked me, I'm like looking at him, I'm like, oh my gosh, this guy is so cute. And then I'm like looking, scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I'm like, I know that kid. And then I keep looking. I see his Instagram. I'm like, I know all three of those children. It was my brother's girlfriend's baby daddy and her kids. Shut up. And then I like could see his Instagram. And so I like sent it to my family. I'm like, nah, her baby daddy liking me on the apps. Like, imagine. Yes. I'm like, imagine if me and my brother were shared stepchildren. Yes. Okay. Then I'm like looking at him and I like see one of his older pictures. I'm like, oh my gosh. I have liked and talked to him before. But it was one of the girls by herself when she was little. So I didn't recognize her. I'm like, I've already talked to this guy before, and it is my brother's girl girlfriend's baby daddy. Yeah. Oh my god. So funny. We were literally dying. That is wild. And he's really freaking cute too. I'm like, dad. Wait, I want to see. No wonder her freaking kids are so cute though. Let's see. Set a screenshot, so I don't know. I might have to go to my family chat. It is so windy outside. I need to see a picture of him. Okay, he's like actually cute too. I'm like, dang it. Oh yeah, he's a good looking guy. But like I see the girl and I'm like, She's so cute. I know. I'm like, I just went camping with her. I would know that base anywhere. Yeah. She's so freaking sick. Isn't he crazy? I don't, I can't. She has two. Oh yeah. So I don't know which one is which. I don't know. Okay, okay. We're not we're not really diving into the X, is it family dinner? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. So I sent it to the family, and Zach goes, now that would be the tea. That would be something to split. Oh my gosh. Wow. Small freaking world, dude. I know. But then another guy, my other match, messaged me. Well, I didn't match with this guy. I ended up swiping no. Yeah. Once I realized. But I had another match message me, and I was like, okay, it's kind of cute. Whatever. So I'm talking to my friends today about how I got ghosted. I'm like, don't worry, guys, we have a new contender. And he is a chiropractor. Okay. So I send it to the group chat. Lo and behold, somebody from the same city says, I freaking know him and I see him every single week. No, like for the chiropractor. Not as a chiropractor, because she goes to where he works. Yes. Okay. So anyway, we've been doing. I guess I should not admit this on the podcast. Should he listen one day. But just, you know, we do our stocking as one day, right? She knows everything about him. So we it's good. It's good to know these things. Yeah, we'll see if he asks me out. But that was a really fun deep dive today. I'm like the amount of information you can find on a person in five minutes within the state of Utah. Dead, dude. So be careful, you ghost, because everyone knows everyone. Everyone knows everyone. So that's my tea. I'm dying. Wait, let me show you the new guy though. Because he's pretty cute, too. And funny that he's a chiropractor because the last guy was like, did not believe in chiropractic because he's like very medical. How can you oops? I'm like, screw you. This guy asked me on a date. I'm getting cracked night one. Oh shit, Kristen. Ooh. Thank you. Right? Yeah. And she lifts weights. I was gonna say she sent me his social media and he seems really funny too. Not the Bucky's swimming suit. I already roasted him for those. Okay. He said it was her redneck water slide. I said that would be the only time that would be appropriate. Okay, Jim Rat. We'll see. I love that. My confession is I feel like I've said this on the podcast before, but talked about like dream continuations. I don't even know if that's what it's called. But I had a dream probably six months ago. Okay. It was wild. Three months later, I had a dream and it was a continuation of the first dream. Literally a few nights ago, I had another dream and it continued from the last dream.

unknown 13:33

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

So the story is like continuing through my dreams. So what did chat say? I know you had to already talk to her about it. Oh, you haven't. I have not asked chat, but I am like, what the freak? And it'll be like months in between. Yeah. But I still remember it because it's so vivid in my head. Like what the storyline is, and then it continues. And you're like, wait, don't wake up. I won't know the plot until the next week. Yeah. It was like in my first dream, it sounds like I don't know if I should say the dream. It sounds so bad. In the first dream, it was like me and a group of people. I didn't commit the murder, but they murdered someone, okay? And I was like, and then we tried to cover it up. We like hid them. And in the first dream, I was so worried about the cops finding out, right? So I'm like so stressed about the cops, which my worst fear is like going to jail over something I didn't do. So I'm like, maybe this is just whatever. The second dream, the cops found out. So now they're like investigating. You like have a whole series going on in your brain. Yes. The third dream, just barely a few nights ago, I was like in court. I was like talking to the FBI, and then I was like in court. It was so crazy. Okay, so fourth dream, we'll find out the verdict. Yes. I'm dead. Of I'm guilty by freaking association. Association, you were there. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What's that called? Guilty. No, guilty by or it's called. Guilty by association, but if you're if I think if you're there, you're an accessory to murder. Accessory to murder. Yes. Yeah. I am a I'm an accessory to murder in my dream. I am dead. So when season four keys. I'll let you know when episode four drops. It'll probably be about three more months. Katie. It's literally been like three months in between every channel. Is it because this is your rational fear that you're like, my brain is watching it play out in front of me? I don't know what it is, but isn't that wild? That is wild. I don't think I've ever had like the story continue. It is so recurring dreams where I'm like, I've already dreamt this before. Yes, recurring dreams are wild too. I haven't had a recurring dream in a long time. It's just been like this continuation one. Yeah, that's weird. Where I'm like in my dream and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is like continuing for my. I wonder if it's like the like a I don't know. We need a dream. Oh, are there any like dream analyzers? Yes, yes. There are. I swear I've seen them on TikTok. Okay, find us one that will come talk. That would be fun. Easy. That is wild. Anyway, that's my confession. Sounds so dumb, but I love it. I like wake up and I'm like, what the freak is happening? How can your brain do that? I don't understand. I really don't understand. Anyway. Anyway. Okay, well, let's get into everybody else's confession. Please. I hope you guys gave us some juicy ones. Okay, number one. It's about damn time. Miss you too. Okay, I love that confession. Love you, Queen. Alright. Next one. Tried anal for the first time with my partner. Was so scared, but didn't hate it. Stop! Oh my gosh. Being so scared is so real, but didn't hate it is so funny. You go. That is so funny. I love that for you. New a new venture, if you will. Yeah, didn't hate it. Have my gosh. Okay, we did IBF for my first baby. Didn't think we would get pregnant naturally. Now I'm 10 months postpartum and still breastfeeding, and I'm five weeks pregnant. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. This is so crazy. Okay, I was gonna say, are you having Irish twins? No. They're gonna be like Yes, they'll be less than two years apart. Yes. What is that? Like 19? Probably 18 months. 18 months, yeah. Sister. Yeah, I was gonna say, isn't that you and Maddie? Isn't that so crazy that when you do IBF for one and then it's almost like your body just needed to be like walked through the process, and then it was like, okay, I got this. Oh yeah, I know what I'm doing. You know, oh yeah, I was built for this. That's so exciting. I'm so happy for you, even though it probably feels super scary. Yeah, that is that is two late ones in it. Isn't me? Yes, okay. I went to my OBGYN annual visit, had to take my 16 month old. My OB is amazing and super chill and a female, and she was doing my breast exam and she saw a bruise. She was like, What is that? She was thinking it was from breastfeeding, and I was like, I hate to admit it's from Hickey. Oh my god. And we died laughing, and it literally totally was. I remember it was like a week old and I totally forgot about it. That is hilarious. Wait, a week old hickey? She bruises like a peach. No, I bruise like a peach. It does not be that strong a week later. Dang, girl. But that is funny. You're like so funny. Hate to admit it. It is from You're like, girl, what do you think I'm in here for with this baby? Come on now. Use your imagination. Oh, that's so funny. Okay. I didn't think I was crazy until I got into a relationship, and one night my boyfriend wasn't texting me back. Oh no. And his location was at his house. So my mind went to he has a girl at his house. So I proceeded to leave my phone at my house and drive by his house to see if any cars were there. There were no cars. Got home and I had a text from him to come over. Mind you, this man has done nothing to make me ever question him. I'm just literally insane. And let me know if this is an original experience or are we all a little crazy? I think we're all a little crazy, Caroline. All a little crazy. It's fine. Unfortunately. But also, like, what are reassuring text to come home to? I was just gonna say that's validating. And I fear you might have a little bit of anxious attachment if you're like jumping to worst case scenario when he hasn't talked to you for a minute. Immediately, yeah. And he literally just was at home waiting to text you to come over. Maybe dig into that a little. Yes, let's get a little bit more secure in this relationship. But no, we're all a little bit crazy, and we'll leave it at that. Chris denies me. Okay, next one. Pinky's up or in. No! Shut up. What an intro. I was getting fingered by husband by my husband, and every once in a while he likes to do a little sneaky sneaky in the back door. Nothing too crazy. Well, apparent oh my no. Hand over mouth. Both of us just gasped. Apparently his nails were long and scratched the shit out of my butthole. So S-O-S-S, it was a shocker for sure. Oh. Okay, I I didn't read far enough. We should have saved that for the Patreon. I am currying at my dad listening to that. I assumed that he like got poop under his fingernail or something. That's where I thought that was going. Oh no, but getting your butt freaky sliced nail. That's worse. I would say go clip your nails immediately. Ow. I'm so sorry, Queen. Oh. We had some fun, but woof. I'm calling it a shocker. That's hilarious. What a play on words. Oh my gosh. Hey girlies, I'm so effing glad to see you back and at such a perfect time, too. Obvi, it's your fave queer from the islands. We love you. And boy, do I have some shit to tell you guys. This basically starts back in August when I made the decision to move back home and away from my now ex. I caught him cheating for the trillionth time. Girl. Not for our fave queer. Get that out of here. Not the multiple times. And this man was never gonna stop cheating on my birthday cheating, on our anniversary cheating, on his birthday cheating, on holidays sleeping with a man while my sister stayed over. Wait, I'm so confused. Sexual assault, invasion of privacy. The list goes on. Oh my god and deserves its own completely separate confession. Wow. If I'm being honest, but if I'm being honest, but stupidly, I stayed with him despite moving back home. Obviously, he cheated again. So on a oh, I love I love the journal entry. On October 27th, we broke up. Come to find out, three days before that, he hooked up with his best friend who actually reached out to me to hook up a week after the breakup. Tell me you did it. What is going on in the islands? Anywho, me and my ex stupidly kept talking, and we were gonna get back together until he decided to block me right after asking me for the SCX, and I rejected. Good on you. This took place on November 19th in the middle of the night. Three days later, he unblocked me to let me know that on November 20th, he became official with a guy he had been talking to. Obviously, I lost it. Had a little crash on moment. He spewed some BS about how he did his best, and he loved me so he loved me as much as he could. The audacity. Anywho, I spent the next few months working on myself, got my money up, made friends, lost 80 pounds. Look at you guys, even revisited old feelings with the other guy I spoke to before my ex that I had previously talked about. He fell in love but wasn't willing to have difficult combos, so I dropped him. And a month later, on February 17th, I met a man. And y'all, he treats me so well. He has such a soft heart. He's a little bit of a hothead. He's so damn protective, and my mom loves him so much. I love that. I'm so happy for you. We've been official since March 11th. Anywho, turns out he and my ex went to high school together and my current actually kicked his ass. So love that. But of course, my ex came back basically somehow, some way, he caught wind that I was in a relationship and he decided to hit me up from a random phone number. What a loser. He sent me cryptic messages saying to meet across the street at the park, claiming to want to talk about feelings that might still be there. So I unblocked his actual number, confronted him about it, and he denied it. Please. I have all of the screenshots, I have all of the screen recordings. Come on, give them to mama. I want to see. I also went through a search history and found out that he was actively cheating on his current boyfriend and obviously hitting me up. There was a semi-lengthy three emails that were exchanged between me and my ex when I confronted him, and it ends with basically me letting him know that I have all the evidence that ties him to that phone number. I sent a message to his current boyfriend letting him know the situation. Haven't heard anything from it. I kind of don't want to hear about anything, but yeah, I have screenshots of the conversations, I have screen recordings of the cheating, all that good stuff. I just wish there was a way I could send it to you guys because this man is delusional as F, but I think I clocked his tea. He hates to see my life improve the moment he left my life. Here we end. Oh my gosh. I'm so happy we got rid of him. Yes, and I'm so happy you found someone new. And what do you mean you wish there was a way you could send it to us? There is it's 2026, babes. There's lots of ways. RDMs are open. You've been in them. You have been in them. Come on, send me. Also, I need to know how you found our podcast. Yeah. Being in Hawaii. The cutie little gay from the islands. How did you find those random random little girlies in Centerville, Utah? Yes. Oh, I love it. Oh, I love that. Wow. Thank you so much for the update. We love to see it. And I'm happy that you moved on. Getting your glow up. As you should. Yes. What a king. Next. I'm confessing that while I understand you want to make money, it's really frustrating feeling like to get my favorite podcast in its truest form, I have to pay. It makes me not want to listen at all because I won't get the full story each time I listen to it regularly. And no, I'm missing half the tea because I can't pay. Super bummed. Queen. Would you rather us not be here? Yeah, I was gonna say. If you don't want to listen, I'm sorry. You don't have to work. Nobody's making you be here, my girl. No one's making you be here. The tea is all still here. As you can see, the podcast has not changed. At all. Literally at all. Literally at all. We're so sharing. Yeah. But if you want extra, all it's gonna take you is less than your coffee once a month. Yeah, literally. But if you can't, that's fine. We're still here. And we feel good about it. And we're able to continue because of it, so we can't feel bad about that. No, I don't feel bad about it. This actually kind of gave me a visceral reason. Yeah, I'm like, I think I have I'm breaking out in a rationale. Yeah, I'm sorry we can't work for free for five years. This takes a lot of time. Yeah, and we love doing it. So we figured out a way that we can actually do it. But there is a reason that we went away, and that was because have you worked out your job for free for three years? No. Yeah, no, not many psychopaths would do that like we did. But we're back. We figured out a way, and the people that can support us monetarily, obviously, we really appreciate that. And the people that can support us by listening, we really appreciate that. Your reviews help us. There's lots of ways to support us. And if you don't want to listen, don't want the door hitting you on the way out. Bye. But we love you all, so thank you for being here. But also, sorry you're frustrated, but sorry, yeah. We just gotta do what's best for us. Which then in turn, wait, wait, what did Haley say last week? You gotta put you first. We gotta put us first. I'm dead. I yeah, anyway, okay. End scene. Literally, rash be gone. I need to cleanse my aura, like Whitney.

SPEAKER_01 27:28

Cleaning our energy.

SPEAKER_00 27:30

Okay. Next. Oh, is it me? Yeah. Okay, next one. Got married a little bit ago, and my older sister bought us a little vibrator, and let's just say it's awesome. Slay Queen. It is awesome. I'm so happy for you. I did not discover a vibrator probably for like eight months into my first marriage. Might I add, Mallory is much more open in this season of the podcast than she was before. I never even knew that. You didn't? I don't think so. Yeah, at the ripe age of 19, that was not even on the forefront. Mine. Like nobody was giving that as bachelorette present. So I don't think I knew for a while either, but I can't remember what I'm saying. I did not get one of those as bachelorette present. No. No. I can't wait to feed Miranda. But what yeah, what a good sister you have. That's gonna be me to Miranda. That lucky dog. Oh my gosh. I'm getting a tattoo and my family is going to freak. I came, oh my gosh. I come from a very Mormon by the book family, so I am preparing myself for some fun comments, lol. I'm still very much an active member, but I've always wanted one and finally have a special reason to. I'm just going to get it and not tell them and let them notice. Lol. Balls to the wall. You bad bea. Yeah. Wait, what'd you say? Bad Bia. You go, girl. Balls to the wall. Bad bitch. And you know what? If you feel good about it, yeah. Who the F cares? No. It's not on the Fish Strength of Youth anymore. It literally says it's your own choice. And if you feel good about it, then go you. That's it. Between everything in life is your own choice. So you and God. And you know what? Yeah, people's brains are wired very differently, especially the older generations. So let the comments come, let them roll off of you like it's nothing. We'll teach you how to cleanse your aura like we just did. Just kidding. But yeah, no, I think that's a great way to do it. Get it if you want it. You like you, you do you, and then you don't need to make an announcement about it. They can find out when they find out. Oh well. My gosh. Unless you live under their roof and they like pay your bills and you're in high school. But like maybe not. But if you are, you know, over the age of 18 and not being supported by them, then you go, you do you. Thank you for adding that. That's a great, great piece of advice. Yeah. Okay. About a week ago, I broke off a situationship after a weird makeout session. Oh no. Oh no. To give context, we had been dating for a little over two weeks and we had kissed and everything, and it was going great. I knew this guy was dorky and it was cute until one Friday night when I went to his place for the first time. We started to kiss and he starts to giggle. He had done this before when we had kissed, but this time it was excessive. We keep kissing and he is almost shaking and giving me this weird grin as he grinds his you know what against my leg. At this point I am done, so I finish, and then he tells me that he has twice in his pants, and it is soaking onto my leg. This guy has told me this guy has told me that he has had in quotations relations with girls before, but it was like he had never touched a woman in his life. After that, we finished the movie we were watching, and this man farts. Oh, okay. At least three times, no shame. Literally squeezed them out while cuddling me. No effing way. Did you did you say anything? I would have been like, actually that I said, did you just fart? No. Bye. Oh no. Three times? That's criminal. Okay. And let me read the sentence again. Literally squeezed them out while cuddling me. He then asks me to spend the night. This man sleeps on a twin bed and wants me to spend the night on the twin bed with him. I finally go home and broke it off with him the next day. Wow. I'm speechless. I've had a lot of bad dating stories. That tops all of them. That's pretty bad. The farts alone would have been a bad story. The beginning and then being asked to sleep over. Why does this man sleep in a twin bed? Not him thinking it's like silly, cute, funny. Are we in college? Like I guess that's the only reason you would have a twin bed is like if you live in a dorm, I guess. But I am so dead. Oh. The ick that I like feeling inside my body. I'm so sorry that you got farted on three times while you're cuddling. Like, turn mother freaking off. That is such a turn off. No. Go to the bathroom. Yeah. Go. What happened to like what happened to having bubblegums and inconveniencing yourself for a date for literally everybody else in the room? I was just gonna say, what happened to literally being in so much pain? You're trying so hard to hold it. We've all been there. Literally. This man needs to go there. He needs to build that pain. He needs some assistance. Wow. Oh my gosh. Okay, next. Sadly, have joined the single mom over 30 divorced club this year. Join the club. Welcome to Christmas. And a warm welcome. Trying to step back into dating pool. Sorry, let me say that again. Wow. Okay. I need to hold this closer to my face. Trying to step back into the dating pool after being married for 10 years and a man, it's a and man, it's a tough world out there. Matched with some guy on hinge, and he invited me over for ice cream and a movie. We hit it off and it was going great. Let me just stop you right there. Don't do that again. Going to somebody's house for ice cream in a movie on date night one. It can only mean one thing. Let me just stop you right there. Yeah, it can only mean one thing because I just saw the word gist. Okay.

unknown 33:25

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 33:26

Let's continue. He leaned in to kiss me, and it was fine, sure. Going well, pushed me back into his bed, and we start kissing, blah, blah, blah, blah. He is telling me he has only been with one person sexually and that it was his ex-wife. And I was like, great, me too. And I don't want to do that, anyways. Well, I get why he said that because the guy is dry humping me so hard, he legit gizzed his pants right in front of me. Correction. Right on top of me. I was mortified and safe to say, have not contacted him again and told him before I left to make sure he changes his pants so he knew that I for sure knew what had just happened. So mortifying. Heaven help us out there out here. Oh my gosh, girl. I fear that's kind of what's gonna happen if you accept dates at their house. Yeah. Absolutely. So say, yeah, you can take me to get ice cream. I wouldn't even go to the movies with somebody. Like, we can let's go get ice cream. Like a quick 30 minutes. Let me give you this advice as a newly, what'd she say? Single mom over 30 back into the dating world after 10 years. Ice cream dates. Ice cream dates are number one. All you have to do, you're easily you get in, you get your ice cream. If you don't like them, you can know within 10 minutes. All you have to do is eat your ice cream, you're out the door. Yeah. If you do like them, you can keep hanging out, whatever. Then eventually you can go back to their house. But starting out with an ice cream at his house and movie, that 10 times out of 10 is what's gonna happen. Oh my gosh, dude. So funny. Sickening. The men in these streets, dude, bro, it is crazy. I wish I could say it gets better. Saddle. Just kidding. It really is fun when it's good, but we have to learn these lessons the hard way of not just accepting an ice cream at their house invite because you might get juized on. Literally. Okay. Next one. One time my mom almost walked in on me and my boyfriend in the kitchen doing you know what? And I had to hide in the pantry butt ass naked while my boyfriend talked to her. Flash distracted her until she left. No effing way. Is she wondering where you were? What did they talk about? Yeah. How was he like so on? How did he get his pants on fast enough? Imagine if she came to the pantry and flung the door open and you're just standing there. And he had to talk to her until she left. Oh. How long was that? My gosh. What a nightmare. I'm so sorry. Nightmare fuel. Next, you should bring Lindsay Hepworth on the podcast again because you did it in 2024 and the episode got deleted. I was just talking to her today. I love her. We would love to have her back by. I absolutely would. We need to talk to her. We just want to hear that. Like, what did we talk about last time? I was still talking about it. Remember, I was puking in the bathroom while you guys were recording. Oh gosh, I forgot about that. Wasn't that one of the things that we're talking about astrology? Yes. And the first one was just craniosacral footing. Like what she does. Oh yeah. No, I eat up everything that she says. Maybe we should have her read our charts on the pod. Live? Yes. Okay. I literally mark a poll at her today and I was like, read my chart. Is love in the future? Or should I? Does my chart say I'm having a year of like trial and tribulations? Because just give me some guidance. We need to text her and say, let's read charts on the pod. That would be really fun. Which Linz, I know you're listening. Come on back, girl. Please, please, please. We're gonna text her. Okay. Just out of curiosity, what are your two human design types? I'm a manifester. I'm a manifest. I think we're both many gens. Oh no, are you not? I think I am many gen. How did we figure this out again? From the human design app. That's right. I wanna say I'm many gen too, but I could be wrong and just be. I think I am a manifesting generator. Wait, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We are opposites because I was like, that's why we work so good together. Yeah. Hold on. Put put this on pause. We're gonna look this up really quick. Okay. I am a generator. And I am a manifesting generator. So you do both. Okay, so here's the little breakdown of what each of them are. Okay, so if you want to find this out about yourself, you have to have your birth location, your birth date, and the exact time you were born. And then you plug it into my human design and it will like give you this information. The reason why you would want this is it kind of tells you, it kind of just explains why you are the way you are, right? Okay, so manifestors is like 9% of the population. They're the initiators. Manifestors are said to be here to start things and spark new ideas. They often value independence and can feel frustrated if they are controlled or micromanaged. This is my brother. Every time I see him, he is like just spewing. Oh, wait. Start things that spark new ideas. Hold on a second. I'm getting confused.

unknown 38:19

Projectors.

SPEAKER_00 38:21

Yes, I think this is my brother. He's just like telling me all of these things to do. He's like manifesting, like, you need to do this, you need to do this, giving all of these new ideas, but then generators are the ones that make it happen. Okay, so that is the manifestors. Then generators, this is Mal. The builders. Generators are thought to have consistent energy for work they genuinely enjoy. They're believed to thrive by responding to opportunities rather than forcing things. Manifesting generators, this is me. The multitaskers, a blend of generator and manifestor qualities. They're often described as fast-moving, curious, and happiest when juggling multiple interests. Projectors, the guides. Projectors are said to excel at seeing how systems and people can work more efficiently rather than being constant doers. They're described as natural advisors. And then reflectors. This is less than 1% of the people. They are the mirrors, the rarest type. Reflectors are believed to reflect the health and energy of their environment and communities, making their surroundings especially important. Which isn't there one that's like super rare? So that would be it says 1% of people are reflectors. Okay. And then, so like your environments, what's affecting you the most? But then manifestors would be the next one. 9% of people. And they're the ones that just like see the vision, have all the ideas, yeah, and like get the ball rolling. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm a manny, I'm a manny gen, we like to call this. Along with 33% of the population. So what was how many of the population were generators? Generators, I think it's at 37%. Cool. That's you? Yeah. I keep getting confused because it's like all the same word over and over. Anyway, so it's just kind of fun to see. And then if you look like at your human design, it can tell you like what lights you up. What so like for Mallory, she probably doesn't love coming up with ideas for things, but she's really the second she gets an idea, she is just like go, go, go, go, go. Yeah, like I need somebody to tell me what to do. And then once you tell me what to do, I can run with it. And that's why we work so well together because I get all the ideas and I tell Mal, and then literally two seconds later, I hear she's researching, she's doing, she's generating, she's making it happen. I'm dead, dude. It's so funny. That was a fun question. Yeah, that was. And we really do need to bring Lindsay back on. Yes. Okay, next one. We met at a nice local restaurant for a simple first date. My date went outside to take a quick phone call and did not come back for 30 minutes. I walked outside to check and saw him sprinting down the street after a loose golden retriever. He ran so fast. I think he needs EMDR now. He is traumatized. Poor man's session is next week. He is dead. Oh, he was being chased. He is deadly afraid of dogs. His therapist scheduled the EMDR appointment. He was running for 30 minutes straight. I hope it helps him. No freaking way. The way if my date left me for 30 minutes, I would leave. I would not be going outside to look for him. Or have the thought that, like, oh, this man is having the most traumatic event of his life. I would be like, screw him, I just got stood up. No, literally. Yeah. Patient, yeah. Well, I hope the EMDR helps. What a nightmare. Oh, that actually sounds like his worst nightmare. Going on a first date and then running for 30 minutes to a dog that you're terrified of. Whose dog? Why could nobody stop the dog?

unknown 41:56

My gosh.

SPEAKER_00 41:57

30 minutes is a long time. That is a long time. Where's his owner? Okay. Oh. I'm gonna start with this one. Okay. Okay, Mal, I wanted to say you're such a beautiful soul. Soul. Okay. We're gonna try that again. Mal, I wanted to say you're such a beautiful soul. So loving, is kind, and so amazing. You deserve the world. You're so pretty inside and out. I love you so much. And then Kristen, I love your goofy up personality. In all seriousness, you're so loving and have big, wonderful hair. I love you so much, also. Thanks. So sweet. Mallory's like, you're the most tender-hearted, most amazing girl ever. Kristen, you've got a big personality of big hair. Oh my gosh. We love you. That's so funny. Mal, I know you're carrying a weight right now that feels absolutely crushing, but I need you to hear this. You do not have to be strong every single day. It is okay to break down when the world gets too heavy to hold. Every quiet tear you cry in the dark is proof of how much you have survived. The storm is breaking pieces of your life, but it cannot break who you are. You keep breathing and pushing forward, even when your heart is completely exhausted. I love you both so much and have been praying for Mal for so long because of her pain from PCOS. And I really know you're strong. And I believe in you, and God is always right there by your side, and so is Kristen and all the sippers. Oh, my heart! So sweet. My heart. Okay, I don't know if this is nope, this person spelled my name differently. So this is probably a different thing. Why is everybody being so nice? I don't know. Love you. All in a row. Not that everybody's not nice, but like all these questions are like a big chunk. Yes. This one says, You have a whole circle of people who love you fiercely and are holding you close. When the weight gets too heavy to carry, please let us help hold it up for you. Please know you're strong and we love you so much. This has got to be from the same one, right? Yeah.

unknown 43:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 43:45

Please know you're strong and we love you so much, Mal and Kristen. Mal, I know you're going through this hard struggle, but God loves you so much, and all the sippers are here for you and love you more than you could ever imagine. Love the sippers. Wait, this is the sweetest thing ever. So sweet confession. Mal balled her eye. Out knowing how much we care about her, we love each other, Christmas. Did you blow your eyes out? No, I don't know what they're talking about. I think they're saying listening to this message. Oh. I miss your old video so much. The memories, the good times, the beginning of the time to spill in back in 2023 when you first started. It's crazy how fast time flies. The good memories, the ups and downs, seeing each one of you beautiful souls grow into the people you are today. Not knowing why you started, just did build the community of lifelong friends that will stay with you guys forever. The memories seeing how far you guys have come from big life changes to where you are all now. You guys, I have had so many ups and downs with you guys crying while listening, laughing so hard. So, so so hard. I'm so glad we can continue and you always be my my favorite podcast. Love you too. Wait, I'm actually gonna ball now. I'm actually gonna ball. Oh my gosh. That was so nice. That was literally so nice. All these last ones have been so nice, and this is why we do literally words of affirmation. Okay, the last one confession. I took your advice and broke up with the man's who wasn't treating me right. I feel more peaceful now. XOXO XO. My queen. Wait, this was three hours ago. Do you think that was the one from the last episode? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. Girl, congratulations. Free from the bonds of Losers. A freaking loser. Yes. We're so proud of you. Oh my gosh, I love the sippers. I love the impressions. Yeah, like so proud because in hindsight, it's always easier said than done. Yeah. You know, breaking up is actually the worst. It's horrible. But when they're a loser, it really is. Like it sucks so bad in the beginning, but it actually is the best thing for you. 100%. And you said you feel at peace now. So that's how you know it was right. You go, girl. That is how you know that it was the right decision. Now you need to go date a lot of different people and learn all sorts of things about what you want and are willing to put up with because what that last guy gave you, oh, was not it. It was not it. So we're proud of you. Okay, we just freaking love the sippers. So much so that we'd love to hang out with you in real life. Yes. Mouth all about the soiree. No, garden party. Yeah. Isn't soiree? Yeah, we called it the sipper soiree. Too many activities coming up. Yes. It is August 29th, exactly one month from today. Starts at 7 p.m. Tickets are $49. If you're on our Patreon, go look at our post on Patreon. But we are so freaking excited to this in-person event. We are cooking over here. Let's just say it is gonna be so cute. And just like more intimate vibes where we can like actually hang out with you guys. That's what I'm the most excited about. I'm so excited. Mallory's like, should we tell our moms? I'm like, I'm sorry, this is one event I'm not invited to because like we gotta we're doing confessions in real life. Yeah, we've gotta be able to crack wide open. Sorry, moms love you so much. I I actually need to think of a confession, and I have one in my head that I think I could confess, but I also like don't want to be like, uh, that was me, guys. You know? Well, no, it's gonna be anonymous. Okay, okay. Oh, yeah, we can we can get juicy. Yeah, I was gonna say, because if it is gonna be all anonymous, I mean, yeah, then I'll confess what I'm gonna confess. No, this is what our plan is for this anonymous confession session. Yeah, everyone's gonna fill out a thing in a teacup. In a teacup, fill out a paper, put it in the teapot, and then everyone's gonna go around and draw one and read it. Yeah. So it's like, I mean, the only way would be like if I knew your handwriting, which I don't actually know it that well compared to all the other girls there. I'm sure we'll have to keep handwriting. That's what I mean. Mixing them up. We're all just pulling random one. So we'll just have to. Oh my god, your poker faces when it's we're gonna be like, oh my gosh, how embarrassing. What are you? Yeah, no, I'm I've been so excited. All the tickets rolling in, like the seeing who the people are that are coming. No, I'm so excited. And a lot of girls are coming by themselves, so don't be scared. We actually have like five girls that are coming by themselves. And we'll have place cards, so like you don't even have to try and find a seat. We got two girls. Yes, we'll take care of that, and it will just be an easy, easy way to just mingle and make new friends, but like also in a comfortable setting where you don't have to be like, So, like, who are you? Yeah, what's your name? You know what I mean? It's just gonna be good, warm, fuzzy girls' night, cutie girls' night. And we are gonna laugh so hard. Imagine those confessions live. Live when we can all like react together in person. Oh my gosh, I am so. And we have no filter because nobody else is listening. No. Okay, so let's reiterate like what the plan is. So crafty got crafty, both of us, huh? Five gals lemonade is coming to do their craft lemonades. That's what I meant to say. Oh, yes, yeah. Their craft lemonades, they are so good. We had it at our friend's party not too long ago. We have homemade personal pizzas by Papa Murphy's himself. Greg Doom. Not homemade, not homemade, but like professional. Professional, yeah. That's what I meant. Professional, fire grilled, fire grilled gourmet pizzas in the yummy pizza oven. We have desserts, and then we'll do the confession session anonymous activity we just talked about. And then you can build your own bouquet at our little to take home. A flower bar to take home. Yes. And it's gonna be so cute. Dress up, wear a dress. Yeah, cute garden vibes. Yes, backyard. I'm so excited. No, are you now? Are you now? Damn it, Kristen. Because I've had to talk her off a ledge. Well, let's just say you guys were not buying tickets the second we dropped it, and I said, cancel, cancel for anybody's. It's been five minutes. No, it was quite literally five minutes. I'm like, would you chill? Please give the sippers a minute. They gotta they gotta send it to their friends, they gotta see if they can make it work. I'm sorry, I was used to sipper cinema just selling out so fast that we it will. I know, I was just used to that. So when you posted it and 10 minutes later nobody had DM'd us, I'm like, Mal, Mal, did we make shape? But no, the tickets have been rolling in, and now I'm now I'm excited. It's gonna be the best night, and that's what I keep holding on to is like envisioning our like dusk. It's dusk with our cute setup that we're gonna have. Like we're just outside with the girls. Yes. Oh my gosh, I can't wait. So if you want to go, all you have to do is Venmo Mallory. Yes, $49, and we will know exactly what it is for it. Yes, at Malmansfield. A L M A N S F I E L D. Yeah. Is that correct? Yep. Period is so period. Yep. I'm so excited. Okay, we love you guys so much. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for supporting the podcast in any way that is feasible to you. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your reviews and your ratings. If you want to join the Patreon, that is always an option. There's a link in the show notes for this, and you'll get an extra confession episode later on in the month. So thank you, thank you, thank you. We love you. And until next week, Pinky Sipsippers.